If you’re really bad at interior design, I need to know

Here is what you need to do. Wait until it is evening. Take a nice little walk around the block. Maybe you’re feeling extra athletic and you decide to expand your jaunt a few more blocks, perhaps you even circumambulate the entire neighborhood. Stroll at a leisurely pace, enjoy the fresh air. But remember, it is also night, so you must be aware of your surroundings. Keep your head at a constant swivel. Oh, look at the squirrel over there. And do you hear the wind chimes on your neighbor’s front porch? Well, isn’t that a lovely little porch. Look at that wreath that have on their door! Oh, their curtains are pulled back, and the windows are open! That’s looks like a comfy couch. And they have the football game on! Oh, they must like that child the most since they have the biggest picture hanging on the wall. But that’s all you can see as you continue your walk. Until there’s movement in the corner of your eye that catches your attention. Someone else in a different house is walking into their kitchen. Those cabinets are just so pretty! But oh my god, are you seeing the lights over the island? They could win awards for being the most gaudy thing ever made. And on to the next house. Who in their right mind would think that stair runner would match the stain of the wood? Only someone crazy, I’ll tell you. And now we’re on the next house. But we strike out after that—they have their blinds closed. Don’t they know we want to see if they pay attention to those home renovation shows? 

This is harmless, I swear. It is your neighborly duty to judge how badly people decorate their homes. It’s not like you spend all of your time peering into their lives. You’re just determining whether they should be banned from picking out a color of paint ever again. Its not like you sit there accusing them of murder or something ridiculous like that.

As a person of my word, it would be a lie to tell you that I have never done this before—the looking into people’s house thing, not the accusing my neighbors of murder thing. If I’m walking by your house, I’m probably going to look in it. Sometimes I can’t help my curiosity. Which is why I find Hitchcock’s Rear Window so interesting. Because if I was Jeff and I had absolutely nothing to do but stare out my window, I’d become obsessive over my neighbors too. Its interesting how Hitchcock transforms this human curiosity into something thrilling and psychological. Can any of us take something pretty mild and turn into something much darker? Hopefully the answer is no, but I think the possibility always remain. 

Does this mean I’ll stop looking in to my neighbor’s houses? Probably no. Again, its about whether they have good taste (read: taste exactly like mine). But hopefully I will remember how weird this movie is, and I can maintain a safe distance from becoming creepy. 

Pro tip: if you do not want your neighbors knowing that you are spying looking at their homes, try being discreet like hiding behind trees. Take note from Shaquille O’Neal…


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